Jack Plans his Send-off

1.     Funeral

In March 2022 it was apparent that Jack was failing quickly, the treatments doing little to stem his advanced prostate cancer. Dr Jahagirdar, Jack’s oncologist, laid out a game plan of tests and palliative treatments. “And now you should plan the funeral you want, it will be good for you, something positive.”

Jack embraced the assignment and immediately asked Fr. Kevin McDonough, our longtime family priest, and Philip Brunelle, our longtime friend and music impresario (Jack served as Philip’s advisor “in pectore”—look it up!) to come to our home. Fortunately, both could come the next mid-day, Wednesday March 23.

At our sober but productive meeting, Jack said he wanted his service at St. Olaf RC church in downtown Minneapolis, a lovely sanctuary with good acoustics, and across the street from the Minneapolis Club, location of a post-funeral reception. Because St. Olaf was not Kevin’s home church (Incarnation was) or our parish, Kevin would need to get permission from the pastor, fortunately a good friend.

The trio of producers then tossed around music ideas. Philip suggested a prelude of organ pieces by some of the many composers we had commissioned over the years (Philip ended up having to do the arrangements for organ!). Jack wanted “For All the Saints” at the service beginning to energize the crowd (a challenge in many Catholic churches!). He also requested that baritone Bradley Greenwald, who had sung Cole Porter songs for Jack’s intimate 80th birthday dinner just a month before, to serenade me after my eulogy (Jack wanted only me to speak) with “Ya Vas Lyublu” (I Love You) from Tchaikovsky’s “Pique Dame;” it was a song I always wanted Jack to learn for me. Our children would do the readings, our grandsons might play the Bach Double Violin Concerto, or at least be the Communion gift bearers.

Things were in motion and Jack did feel positive, although we both hated to see our wonderful lives together end, albeit with a personal, lovely celebration.

I told Jack I had been thinking about commissioning something for him, for the funeral. I had settled on a Pavane (a stately processional dance) and wanted a female composer, Janika Vandervelde, perhaps, a lovely local composer whose string quartet we had commissioned years before. That was all right with Jack.

Kevin McDonough offers this view of our meeting:

I was surprised and grateful for the good-humored spirit of the gathering. Although Jack and Linda had just received such hard news, there was nothing morose about our being together. You were concerned to have a goodbye that would honor the community work that had animated Jack’s life: lovely music, of course, as well as a sense of commitment to solidarity with the most vulnerable. 

A big focus of our conversation was about how to involve your grandsons. That remained paramount throughout the months thereafter.  

And it was so obvious that the two of you, Linda and Jack, were deeply grateful for each other and admiring of each other. For a funeral planning conversation, it could hardly have been more uplifting!

2.     Other Actions (Click on the links for more!)

a.     A bench and monument in Oakland Cemetery. Years ago, Leaetta Hough graciously invited us to use some of her "extra" plots in this historic cemetery.  The text attached to this heading written by Bob and Leaetta presents the story behind the "extra plots."  It relates their efforts to design a monument that would honor the memories of those who would either be buried there or who have a headstone placed on the site.  The pending death of Jack and our decision to place a headstone on the site created a greater sense of urgency to finalize a design and commission a sculptor.  While I helped Jack decline and die, Bob, Leaetta, and Merv (her brother) engaged a stone carver - Peter Morales - to design and sculpt a bench and monument for the Oakland Cemetery site.

b.     A Richard Bresnahan Urn to hold Jack’s ashes. Richard founded an amazing pottery studio at St John’s University in Collegeville, MN, including the largest wood-fired kiln in North America. Jack had worked as a stoker on several of the every-two-or-three years 10-day long firings, and the Bresnahans had become great friends over the years.

c.     Spreading some of the ashes on Jack’s beloved moss in our Japanese garden on Monday, June 27.

d.     A Viking send-off by the boys. Jack was fascinated by the Viking tradition of a burning boat carrying the Viking off into the distance; he and his grandsons discussed it often (although I doubt Jack expected it!). Son-in-law Terry O’Brien pulled it off with great panache at our Gem Lake cabin, August 20, two days before Jack’s funeral. 

– L.L.H.