Courtship Correspondence
Peter:
September 28, 2022
Catching up.
Good afternoon,
First of all I want to thank you for your hospitality to the paddlers and myself. It means so much to all of us to keep the traditions going. And we got to spend time with Kristen and Jack which was a bonus. People got to see a different aspect of the Hoeschler clan.
I was truly moved by young Jack’s writing. He really took the whole experience to heart and drew some wonderful and valuable lessons out of it. I hope Will is doing alright. I saw him at the memorial service seeking some quiet time by himself. I’m sure he is just as impacted as Jack.
Your offer to undertake trips together caught me totally flatfooted. I am very touched you would put your faith and trust in me so I know my emotions got the better of me. But then they are so close to the surface these days. As I said I would be honored to go anywhere with you. I was rereading my journal the other night and about a year ago I made the observation that traveling alone would not be the same as sharing the experience with someone else and I would very much miss that aspect of travel.
I am at the age and stage in my life where I will only go in comfort and convenience. My days of “roughing it” are behind me. Like you I really only fly first/business class. If significant driving is involved I would prefer to hire someone to do that. I really don’t like pre packaged tours since they don’t give you time to truly enjoy things in depth. I’m probably at the point of hiring someone like Alexander and Kent to design a trip. Local guides would be a necessity.
I’m not sure how you arranged your previous trips but I do a fair amount of research about what I want to see, where to stay and where to eat.
I have no specific trip ides at the moment but if there is anywhere specific you have in mind, chances are I would be game. There is always more to learn.
These are some of my thoughts so you know where I am coming from about travel
Peter
Linda:
October 9, 2022
Dear Peter,
Thank you for the thoughtful note and pardon the tardy reply. I have been out east for my 60th high school reunion in New York and I’m now in Rhode Island with good friends.
This is my first major trip alone, and I have to say that the car rental had me a bit nervous beforehand although I always handled that with Jack… But getting back on the horse can be daunting at times.
I like your approach to travel and want to make sure you’re comfortable with the idea of our going together, not just your being polite. I totally trust you, Peter, which is why I asked you. Interestingly enough I’ve had a few other men call wanting to get together and I have zippo interest…I have great girlfriends!
Should we try a city first in the United States or do you want to go foreign? I have loved planning our trips to London, but I don’t want to go there right out of the gate because Jack and I did that every fall.
We had Abercrombie and Kent do a tour for us in India back in 87 and they were superb. But I also read that the Spanish trains are great (no driver needed) and I do know many of the cities there are delightful. I’ve always want to go to Portugal and I do want to see more of France.
So what have you been thinking my dear friend? My boldness toward you was a surprise, even to me, but I believe it stems from my total trust in your goodness. But speak up if you have ANY discomfort. Our long-standing friendship is too important to me.
Warmly
Linda
Peter:
October 12, 2022
Dear Linda,
Thanks for your note and update. I’m glad your had a good trip to New York and a chance to catch up with friends. I’m sure it felt good to get away and be with other people. A good first excursion from the sound of it.
Let me lay out my current schedule for trips. From Nov 5-12 I am in Jamaica with my sister Ann, staying at the same place I always stay, the Jamaica Inn in Ocho Rios. I will head back there from March 18 to April 1 for my annual spring break. I rent a two bedroom cottage and found after a visit there with John last spring that it is the perfect was to spend time with family and friends that I can invite down.
From April 15 to 20 I am going down to Cumberland Island Georgia with Janet and Joel and young Peter and staying at Greyfield Inn an old Carnegie property.
After that I have nothing planned until Boundary Waters in September.
As far as I am concerned either France or Portugal would be great. I love France and would love to go to any region in the country. I was last in Portugal in the early 50s when my father was assigned to Ireland and we went there on vacation.
So in other words I have no prior experience with Portugal today.
Part of the enjoyment of traveling with another person is sharIng what you are experiencing with a companion. It adds another dimension to a trip. Your offer of travel together as friends caught me flat footed and was totally unexpected but from my point of view was very welcome. To be able to travel with a good friend would be a delight. I would always want you as a good friend with a long shared history and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that friendship. I am still in love with Carol and have no desire to “move on” with anybody.
Your friend
Peter
Linda:
October 26, 2022
Re. Catching up
Dear Peter:
Pardon the delayed response…I decided to stay out East a little longer (after NY I drove to RI and there dropped my car off—an adventure with Enterprise that I don’t hope to repeat, especially when the agent told me in Narragansett to “just drive it back to White Plains!”). Then to Boston with the Morses and Porters whom you may have met at the funeral. I changed my air return when Porters were exposed to Covid and needed to quarantine; besides, my Edgcumbe project to scrape the popcorn off the ceilings was slower than thought (no surprise).
Anyway, I’m home now for over a week and the last room will be mudded today, sanded tomorrow and painted right away and then, again, Friday. So soon I’ll have my house back (and opportunity to clean and move furniture!).
Then there’s calendar management—staying engaged but not overwhelmed. I’ve been graced with many cultural and social invitations (some clearly fundraising (!)—what don’t they understand about “second to die”). Priority of course is Kristen’s family: opera with William a week ago (a new one with a fabbo production; William saying he missed resting on Papa’s arm as he slept through some arias!), grandsons in soccer finals (Jack’s at state, although with a fractured hand tendon he’s not first string, but a great sport about cheering on his teammates); violin recital for William etc.. But fall, with its shimmering beauty, is also a reminder of death and the winter to come. You and I both know about elongated winters…
Peter, I’ve been thinking about our correspondence since my September proposal that we consider traveling together. I sense your uneasiness and possible desire to not hurt my feelings or risk our friendship. Thank you.
I realize that my enthusiasm was probably too bold, made at a time I had lost the dearest person in the world to me, but recognizing that life still goes on and is precious. I will always love and treasure Jack, and he cannot be replaced, nor perhaps, succeeded. You feel the same about Carol. Neither of us is looking for another love to fill in the yawning gap that can really never close. You wouldn’t have cared so well for Carol, as I did for Jack, if we did not treasure them above ourselves, at times risking our own well-being. I am forever grateful for your support and counsel during Jack’s final year-plus.
So let us just continue as friends who can call upon each other for support as we’ve done over the past few years. We are both content being with our families and friends in our chosen home states.
If you ever want to consider a trip together, I will be open. But the ball’s in your court…with no expectation that it must be played.
Otherwise, let’s just plan to “see you in September”, as the song of our youth goes.
With affection,
Linda
Peter:
November 27, 2022
Catching up
Dear Linda,
Please excuse the long delay in getting back to you. It has been a busy fall and I didn’t sense an urgent need for a reply. Autumn, for me, has always been a reflective period and this year has been no different. What hit me this fall was the realization that Carol has been gone for over two and a half years. Our time together under hospice care in many ways seems like yesterday and the memories are so fresh. I have come a long way in dealing with the loss and creating a new life for myself but it takes a lot of work. I think comes from being so introspective and analytical. As an introvert I can deal with being on my own and living with my thoughts but my analytical side insists that I understand what I am going through.
After Carol died I started a journal to record my thoughts and feelings and as a means of organizing what I was thinking/feeling into a coherent language. It has also allowed me to see how far I have come emotionally and psychologically and realize that I have made a lot of progress. You know what it’s like to lose someone who has been by your side for two thirds of your life and then struggle to adapt to a new reality.
I am creating a new life and keeping busy. I schedule events, trips and get togethers well in advance so I have something to look forward to that I can involve other people. When Carol was here in hospice care we would set milestones for her to look forward to and hang in there for. A visit, a holiday or even just the weekly cake we would order. I just came back from Jamaica where I invited my sister Ann to join me and we had a great week together. She and I have always been able to open up to each other and share thoughts and emotions. So it was great for both of us. I did the same with John last spring and that was great. I let him read my journal so he would understand what I am going through. When my mother died my father never talked about his feeling to any of us. So I had no reference points to draw on when Carol died. I want Janet and John to have some idea of what it’s like and maybe some of it will reflect what they are going through in losing a mother.
In any event I keep busy putting my own esthetic on the house. Upgrading furniture, adding new paintings, replacing drapes, with valances, that came with the house and doing the necessary maintenance that come with home ownership. I also am trying to outsource the major projects. I have done well with purging and “deaccessioning’ if there is such a word.
There is a lovely little book called “The gentle art of Swedish death cleaning” that I bought and have enjoyed. My main objective is to deal with all the stuff in the house that has collected over the years so that Janet and John don’t have to do it later. Things that are meaningful I keep but it is amazing the amount of things that have accumulated over the years that really have no emotional component. I am also recording information about various items so that when my time comes J&J have some basis for deciding about specific things. I don’t want the memories attached to some things to be lost and they just become a thing as has happened with a number of the things we got from Carol’s parents.
As for travel I acknowledge your putting the ball in my court but I would reply by offering the following. If you want to take a trip somewhere and would feel more comfortable having a travel companion please let me know. I would be delighted to share time with you as a great friend. Likewise if I am planning a trip that I think you might enjoy I will contact you. I want to keep the friendship we have and not let it just fade away.
I just finished another wonderful book. Victor Frankl’s “Man’s search for meaning” Carol found meaning in her illness and time in hospice and epitomized Frankl’s ideas of what is the meaning of life. For me one of the sources of meaning going forward is caring about other people and being there if needed. Ann and I talked about how when Carol was alive she was the one person I would go to when I wanted to talk about things. Without her I need to have a number of different people that I can talk to about various aspects of my life since I no longer have her as my confidant, sounding board, advisor and all around good listener. So I have decided you are one of those people since you are a great listener and advisor.
I know this has rambled on but I wanted to catch up from a long busy fall. I really hope you are doing alright and not letting the early dark and cold affect you too much.
Affectionately
Peter
Linda:
December 17, 2022
Dear Peter:
I have 4 minutes until pickup time by Fred and Kay De Sam Lazaro, but wanted to express my gratitude for your focus, consolation and understanding this afternoon.
You are a wonderful, good person and I trust and value you. I feel safe in conversations with you. I hope in some small way/s I return the favor.
With gratitude,
Linda
Linda:
December 18, 2022
I was thinking I should write you a similar note
Dear Peter:
Thank you for your beautiful note. When I awakened this morning I was drafting (in my head) a similar note to you. Yesterday I was feeling low-ish, but was slightly more heartened by a rapid response from Pat McArdle re Jack O’B [who didn’t get into GU on early acceptance]…and Pat was elated about the boat house. (Jack Hoeschler predicted, correctly, that he wouldn’t live to see a GU boathouse!). Thank you for picking up…and for staying on the line. We covered a lot of ground…with more to go.
Anyway, I felt much calmer, less sad, as a result of our open, vulnerable conversation. This calm was reinforced by going to church with the De Sam Lazaros (although there was a temporary Lady of Guadalupe shrine in the church replete with flashing lights! Sigh.).
Peter, I am very grateful for your friendship and perspective. I am always here for you, too, with open ears and mind. I totally trust you...
This morning, in response to my FB posting about accidentally setting the birthday table for six this week, a high school friend, Tim Thom, sent me the below, a poem forwarded to him by Roc Caivano. Roc, our hs classmate (who died of cancer July 2021), may be known to you. He went to Dartmouth, then Yale Architecture school, taught at College of the Atlantic and designed many homes etc on Mount Desert. Despite many successes, he remained warm and unpretentious (his father was the art teacher in hs)…
Anyway, I thought this is a poem for both of us and our families.
Warmly,
Linda
Peter:
December 18, 2022
Re. Thank you for the lovely conversation today
Dear Linda,
Thank you for calling yesterday. It means a lot to be able to talk with you about anything and everything. I am glad I can be here for you and I always want you to feel comfortable and safe talking. I know I feel the same talking to you. I don’t know of anyone else who understands as well.
Affectionately
Peter
Linda:
February 9, 2023
Delightful to speak with you…
Dear Peter:
Thanks for the good conversation today—you are so kind and healing.
Now regarding the crew. I presume you’ll handle the Crusey invite to FOGR and let Pete Bautz know (board pres). petebautz@
Another advantage Crusey brings is his DC location so he can get to the in-person meetings as they occur. Good thinking, old buddy.
With affection,
Linda
Peter:
February 10, 2023
Re. Delightful to speak with you…
Good to talk to you. Thanks for listening and taking the time. I have sent an email off to Bill about the FOGR and pointed out that he could be a good advocate and gadfly about the women's fund raising efforts.
It occurred to me later that if you want a get away from northern weather for a bit you are welcome to come down to Jamaica. I have a two bedroom cottage at the Jamaica Inn that is right on the water. Not much in the way of cultural activities but a chance to catch up on your reading, relax on the beach and have a fruity drink now and then. It’s all paid for and they don’t charge for the number of guests. I’m there the last two weeks of March.
Warm regards
Peter
Linda:
February 10, 2023
Re. Dad Vail 65
So sweet and tender…and look at the dressy outfits! (and smoking)
I am touched by your Jamaica invite—I am going to see my sister and almost 100 year old aunt Feb 24-Mar 10. What are your exact dates in Jamaica—18th to April 1? It would be the second week if I think I could manage it…the idea of warming my bones is always welcome.
With affection,
Linda
Linda:
February 10, 2023
I guess the old saying is true that when one door closes another one opens. My sister just called me to tell me that she’s just been diagnosed with shingles, so I will probably not be going to North Carolina…final decision this weekend.
If the invitation is still on, let me know the dates you’re down there and when would be best for 5-7 days of company. I can fly nonstop to Montego Bay; I hope and presume that the resort has a shuttle…
I’m off to take my walk for a couple of miles, then I will babysit for David Ranheim for a few hours while Judy goes off – – David had foot surgery this morning and he’s not supposed to be left alone for 24 hours! Never thought I’d be babysitting an 80 year old…
Hugs
Linda
Peter:
February 10, 2023
When I had my cardioversion I was not supposed to be left alone for 24 hours once I got home. Maybe it’s something about us 80 year old folks. Comes with the territory I guess. I am sorry to hear about your sister, that’s painful. I trust you have had your shingles shot.
It would be great if you could make it to Jamaica, it would be good for you to soak up some sun. Come the first week of my stay if that works. I arrive on the 18th and depart on the 1st. I do Saturday to Saturday since Delta has a once a week direct flight from Boston. Or come the second week if the first doesn’t work. I will arrange to have a car pick you up at the airport. It’s about an hour and twenty minute drive to the Inn. I am assuming you would fly Delta if you did come.
Peter
Linda:
February 10, 2023
I’m with David…he’s trying not to be a crabby patient but…!!!
I need to figure out things with my sister’s situation. If I go to NC I would come your 2nd week because a 5 day turnaround after 2 weeks with her and her husband (we’re driving from Raleigh to Ocala to see 99 year old aunt with some interesting stops along the way) would be too tough to do.
But we’ll converse this weekend and see how she’s doing…then decide.
Could you send me your flight info?
Thx dear friend,
With affection
Linda
PS yesterday I reread Carol’s obit—pure poetry.
PPS Ford Bell left a message…good work on your part. Hope he stops feeling he needs to update me at every turn!!!
Linda:
February 11, 2023
Trip with my sister is still on
Dear Peter:
Laura is feeling MUCH better today, so the NC-Ocala trip is on. Since I return from NC on Mar 10, I need a bit of a breather before my next trip. Were it not for you, I wouldn’t consider another vacation the same month…(that’s a compliment!)
I will get my ticket soon, and take the only non stops from MSP to Montego Bay:
It looks like you leave an hour and a half after me, so hopefully that works for you (and a joint ride to the airport together)…
Peter, if you have second thoughts, I will not be hurt. You may have extended the invitation too quickly, and in the harsh light of the next day, wondered what you were thinking at the time…!
Remember, our friendship comes first and neither of us wants to lose that.
I am honored that you feel that you can talk to me…and Ann(e). I’m there for you and have missed our conversations.
Warmly,
Linda
PS My quick acceptance seems a bit impulsive for me, and I went back and forth many times…but then again, all we have left is time…at least for the time being.
Peter:
February 11, 2023
Trip with my sister still on
Linda,
I’m glad your sister is feeling better and you will get to spend some time together. As you say time is so important and being with family is vital.
Your schedule sounds fine and I will arrange for a car to pick you up at the airport and get you to the Inn which is in Ocho Rios.
I have no qualms about inviting you. I did think that I might be a little forward in doing so but thought you might enjoy some warm weather. It is not a trip that involves a lot of research and activity, very sedentary I’m afraid. I use it to catch up on my reading and thinking. So if you are sure you will be okay with that “Come on down”
Peter
Linda:
March 15, 2023
Looking forward to Jamaica
Dear Peter:
Now that I’m resettled after my 2 week trip to Raleigh, I’m really looking forward to the Jamaica visit. Thank you! (Such a trip would always be welcome, but particularly with this rather dismal winter!)
Below are my flights, as I believe you know from before.
A few questions:
Could you remind me the name of the resort and “your” cottage? I’m wondering whether or not if there is a washing machine there (though I doubt I’ll need one for this stay!)
Do we eat meals in the cottage or at a restaurant on site? How dressy are meals out (I’m presuming nice pants, sandals and linen shirts would do…but let me know if otherwise)
Is the best way to reach you by text/cell rather than email?
Any other tips?
I hope you are doing well, and that your family is stable if not thriving. I’m looking forward to a lot of reading, a lot of walking, as much talking as you wish…and just plain old friendship. Plus that Vitamin D dose we all need!
Warmly,
Linda
PS If my family would need to contact me, and can’t get through on the cells, what is the protocol?
Linda:
March 22, 2023
Re. Arrival in Jamaica
The beach awaits. No sign of snow
On Wed, Mar 22, 2023 at 10:29 AM Linda Lovas Hoeschler <lhoeschler@gmail.com> wrote:
I had filled in the Delta info and now have completed the Jamaica entry form, filed electronically. I do the paper on the plane, too.
Snow is melting here (finally) as we continue to break records. I can finally see parts of the lawn…But I am ready to “blow this pop stand”, as Jack would say.
Fritz is flying in today for Delta training so I will see him a bit over the next few days. Love being with him…
Weather looks perfect! Thank you for that, too.
With affection,
Linda
Peter:
March 22, 2023
Arrival in Jamaica
Good morning,
Despite my best efforts I have been unable to arrange a meet and greet when you get off the plane. The service is booked months in advance unfortunately. You can fill out the customs and immigration form online ahead of time if you wish. It can be hit or miss, sometime the “system” is down and they rely on paper. They will give you the form on the plane if you want to fill it out on paper.
The driver from the Jamaica Inn will meet you when you get out of the arrival hall. Look for the Jamaica Inn sign he will be holding. There will probably be a dozen or so other signs.
Text or call me when you arrive in Ocho Rios and I will meet you at the reception area. My cell is 207-461-5193.
Peter
Peter:
March 22, 2023
Re. Arrival in Jamaica
Hi,
Sorry about the misleading intro. The meet and greet is when you get off the plane and someone escorts you through immigration and customs. Immigration does not take any time at all but the Queue can be daunting. Customs is a formality when you go through the green and the lines are very short. Don’t bother with currency exchange.
I’m glad you get to spend time with Fritz. Please give him my best
Peter
On Wed, Mar 22, 2023 at 10:02 AM Linda Lovas Hoeschler <lhoeschler@gmail.com> wrote:
Thanks Peter. When I first saw your email, I thought I might have to walk or hitchhike to the Jamaica Inn.
I started filling out the immigration form online; let me go back and make sure I finished it.
I’m really looking forward to this and have the good luck to have Fritz here for the next three days although he will be staying near the airport and getting a lot of training. But even a glance of him and a short visit is worth it!
Kristen and her family are in Costa Rica.
Hugs
Linda
Linda:
April 6, 2023
Chris Thomforde, Carol’s blogs…
Darling, darling Peter:
It’s a sunny day, although 42 degrees still chills me. But off to listen to McCullough’s Truman while I walk.
Before I head off I wanted to forward today's lovely note from Chris Thomforde, the minister and college president and friend I mentioned to you: Princeton basketball star and, obviously, a man of great faith. As Jack declined we asked him to meet with Jack and William (separately) to start the grieving process (as they needed/wished). Chris would have participated in Jack’s funeral, but had to officiate at one in Princeton… Unfortunately, he now has Parkinson’s and also had to help his son die a year ago (throat cancer). I wish I had his faith...
I also pulled out the beautiful books of Carol’s exquisite blogs—what a tribute you curated and what superb material she offered the world. I will read some each day…and celebrate her genius (and your respect for it, your encouragement).
Now that we have fallen in love (this sounds so mild—I feel like I’m on the Jamaican bobsled team, barely in control), I am heartened that we leave room for both Carol and Jack in our relationship, to talk about them and be reminded of their goodnesses and talents. But not to put them on some altar where we feel the need to bow our heads as we walk by…I know Jack would hate that, and Carol too, I presume. They both loved life…and we grieving spouses have been given another chance at life, together, a chance few get, especially dizzying since ours is blessed with intensity, passion and devotion. Primal love, but viewed through the mortal and mental prisms we each bring, forged by our separate life experiences. We know how lucky we are…and must never forget this mitzvah! Lightning HAS struck twice!
Peter, you make me feel loved, so loved that I feel the need to stop often and remember to breathe! You hold my heart in your hands, as I hold yours. We have so much to look forward to and both know that we will, and need to, treasure each minute together. It cannot start too soon, because I know it will end too soon.
I love you to the end of time and am committed with my body and soul to make this the most joyful, productive and generous relationship we can shape.
With renewed joy in life and in you,
Linda
Eric Nilsson to Linda:
April 14, 2023
Dearest Linda,
It was so grand to get your call this morning. I am deeply, deeply honored by your sharing of that exquisite letter to Peter. My goodness, but an accomplished calligrapher should be retained to write it out on parchment, then framed and labeled as "The Legacy of Love and Faith" and affixed to a granite stele (rising from a bed of flowers) in The Garden.
Again, congratulations!
See you this afternoon.
Best and kindest regards,
Eric
Peter:
April 12, 2023
My Beloved
My darling Linda,
I will never be able to tell you sufficiently how much I love you. But I will spend the rest of my days trying to do so. The fact that you chose me is so unbelievable and I will be forever grateful for your doing that. I have gone back over some of our correspondence and my memories and I can see that you were reaching out and I in my fumbling way was trying to hope that we could continue to grow closer than we were and not scare you away. A fine line that thankfully did not result in your giving up on me, despite my poor attempts to read the situation.
I love you, I want you and I need you so much that it frightens me how intense these feelings are that I have for you. From the moment I took you in my arms and kissed you I have never doubted the intensity and truth of my love for you. Not for one minute. Even when it seemed we were rushing headlong into a passionate love affair I have never doubted that it was true and real. Our time together and endless talks have only served to confirm what I feel.
You are a beautiful, strong, loving woman whom I find endlessly fascinating and alluring. I have so much I have yet to learn about you but what has been revealed has only served to deepen my love and my certainty about what we have together. This poor besotted man will never cease to be amazed that you love me. How can anyone be so blessed as to have your love.
I will spend all my time with you showing you how much I love you and how important you are to me and how alive you make me feel and the joy I am experiencing knowing that you are mine and I am yours
Forever yours
Peter
Peter:
April 14, 2023
Fwd. Missing you!! And thinking of you at elevens!!
---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: Peter Blyberg <peter@blyberg.net>
Date: Fri, Apr 14, 2023 at 12:32 PM
Subject: Re: Missing you!! And thinking of you at elevens!!
To: Frelinghuysen, Nonnie <Nonnie.Frelinghuysen@metmuseum.org>
Dear Nonnie and George,
I wanted to update you on the latest regarding Linda. Her visit went even better than I had hoped it would. We found that we have intense feelings for each other and are so in love that we have decided that we are getting married. So I will be flying out to St. Paul and we will be married May 5th in a very small ceremony. I can’t believe that I would ever again feel this way about someone.
BTW Linda said to send you her best.
Hugs to you both
Peter
On Thu, Mar 30, 2023 at 6:33 PM Peter Blyberg <peter@blyberg.net> wrote:
Missing you two as well. The beach is very empty. I’m glad you got to meet Linda. She is very special to me. You will see more of her in the future
How did your meeting go? 🤞
On Thu, Mar 30, 2023 at 11:59 AM Frelinghuysen, Nonnie <Nonnie.Frelinghuysen@metmuseum.org> wrote:
It was so special being at the Jamaica Inn with you. And very much enjoyed meeting Linda.
Sending hugs!
Linda:
April 14, 2023
Re. Missing You!! And thinking of you at elevens!!
Adorable…and touching. Thank you my love, my lover, my soul, my forever.
Love,
L
Linda:
April 17, 2023
Fwd. Hello and Welcome!
---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: Peter Blyberg <peter@blyberg.net>
Date: Mon, Apr 17, 2023 at 10:45 PM
Subject: Re: Hello and welcome!
To: K OBrien <khobrien1672@gmail.com>
There already are .. several
On Mon, Apr 17, 2023 at 10:14 PM K OBrien <khobrien1672@gmail.com> wrote:
There will be lists… :-D
On Apr 17, 2023, at 7:14 PM, Peter Blyberg <peter@blyberg.net> wrote:
Hi Kristen,
Thank you for your kind note of welcome. It is truly appreciated. I know your mother truly values your support as well as Terry’s. The boys are so important to her and having their acceptance means so much to both of us. I would hate to have been the cause of even the smallest rift. I love your mother very very much and I have always valued her friendship over the years. How we got to our current status I still cannot figure out but I would not want to be anywhere but by her side. I now have a future where none existed. I will spend the rest of my life looking out for her.
She has been warned of the fact I am not a morning person and anything more than monosyllabic responses should not be expected before I have quietly had my cup of coffee. And I in turn have been exposed to “and one more thing”
Look forward to seeing you in May
Peter
On Mon, Apr 17, 2023 at 6:32 PM K OBrien <khobrien1672@gmail.com> wrote:
Hi! I’m glad mom and you have connected and are going to share a future together. She is very, very happy and that makes me happy! And I don’t have to worry about her (as much). I meant to write earlier but I wanted you to know that I am pleased that you are joining our family and she is joining yours. I think you’re going to have a great life together.
Have a great trip, wherever you are now and we’ll see you in May!
Best, Kristen
612-968-3558
PS I’ve never been a morning person either, so stand your ground and don’t let her wake you before you’re ready. :-)
Linda:
April 20, 2023
My soul mate
Dear Peter:
I cannot believe our good luck in finding each other. Hiding in plain sight. Each afraid to take the first step, even a tentative tiptoe, lest we be too forward, too bold, too likely to be rejected, hurt.
Each day, as I get to know you better, I feel miraculous rays showering us, blessing us, sensitizing while strengthening us.
As we converse, whether in the middle of the night or during the day, whether discussing emotions or finances or experiences, I feel that we are knitting our souls together, as we explore each other’s history, beliefs, experiences and, yes, plans going forward. I want to pour myself into you, tell you everything, have you feel my hurts (dare I say as Christ had Thomas put his fingers into his wounds), understand my small life’s victories, my strength, endurance, and tenacity-- yet my ever-present vulnerabilities.
I want you to explore the depths of my spirit, my body, as I want to explore yours, with tenderness, with love, with hunger. I want us to heal and make each other whole, (prepared, and I hesitate to say this), to leave this earth more whole, more helpful, more resolved and calm. To leave this earth together, in body, but never in spirit…as our love and good works resonate around the globe, time, and time again…
I love you darling Peter, forever and forever. Each day I inhale and celebrate your strength, your goodness, your love of me. You envelop me in love and goodness, and your complexity, your confidence, astounds me.
I am convinced that we are creating, shaping a great love, a great love affair for the ages. (I don’t care whether or not our love becomes famous a la Heloise and Abelard!) With this journey, we are tempering our spirits, forging our souls into one.
I love you darling Peter, now until the end of time, the end of our time together on this earth…with the hope that we inspire others, in small ways and in substantial ones, not with the need to create a legacy, but to leave this wounded earth a better place for our families, as well as for the many lost souls who wander through life, hoping for a chance, a break, a better life, if not for them, for their children.
With unending love,
Linda
Linda:
April 22, 2023
If I were a tree
Darling, dearest Peter:
I am sitting here, trying to nail down more wedding details via email, but your image, your voice keep skirting by me—smiling, laughing, distracting…
I have decided I am a human weeping willow, happily spilling my pliant branches, my pale green dress, to the ground for all to savor—fey, light, blowing in the wind, still... solidly rooted.
But I also weep, weep with happiness, weep with fear that this passion for you, for our life ahead, is too marvelous to endure sufficiently to ever satisfy us.
The more I know you, the more I want to imbibe you, all your essences, and you, mine. I want to be lightly, deftly stroked, then embrace you tightly, but never to clutch. We must continue to approach each other, our one true love, our lovemaking, with joy and good will, free will. With urgency as we clasp each other, then melt into one beautiful body of love making, gasping, grasping…seeking an elusive eternity as one.
This separation is physical torture now—why did this ever seem like a logical idea?!
I count the days, the hours, until we are united, legally, spiritually, joyfully…until we leave this earth.
With ardor and devotion,
Linda
Linda to Dan Scott
June 10, 2023
Beautiful daughter…and invitation
Dear Dan:
Lots of water under the bridge since we last spoke—too long ago (didn’t we make a promise to each other?!
Anyway, I love the invitation to Lily’s celebration and the news that she is going to Yale—fabulous!
We will try to make the party—we have several others that day.
So who is the we (I’m NOT royalty!)?
On May 5, and much to my surprise and delight(!), I married a man I have known for 59 years—Peter Blyberg. Peter and Jack rowed together at Georgetown and his wife, Carol, was one of my good friends: they were at our 1966 wedding in NY. While we rooted in Minnesota, they lived around the world: Iran, Bahrain, Hong Kong and London (Peter was in banking). Carol and I wrote back and forth, and we met at various Georgetown crew parties/reunions; moreover, our kids knew each other. But for the year+ Peter cared for Carol in hospice at their Maine home, Peter was in Minnesota each September since 2012 to canoe with the ’60’s GU crew in the BWCA.
Carol died 3 years ago of T-Cell lymphoma. As Jack sickened and declined, Peter became one of my death doulas. He and a widow friend of mine helped guide me as I grieved.
Anyway, I attach my recounting of our falling in love plus a video of our wedding/reception. Our bonding has gone so smoothly and so strongly, it is as if we are picking up the threads of a relationship from another time and place. Our good fortune.
With love,
Linda
Linda to Chris Thomforde
June 14, 2023
Thank you for the good wishes… yes, life is too short (especially when things are going well)
Dear Chris:
Thank you for your lovely note (do you ever write un-lovely notes?!). I treasure each one…
I thought I had left you a message about my marrying back in May (we wedded May 5). On the other hand, it was such a flurry between Samba-laced-wedding, getting Peter residency here [he’ll be here permanently by October 1 but needs heart ablation here on July 7] and blissful trip to Ireland that I’ve missed more than a few beats...
I attach my recent write-up about our sudden romance and marriage, plus a 10 minute clip of our wedding and reception. These explain a lot. I’ll also add a note I wrote Peter in April about you including my thoughts on our spouses’ position in our upcoming union.
Please let me know how you’re doing and whether or not you’re up for lunch or dinner on our deck…garden is looking quite lovely as we get it back in hand. We’ll be here through most of July, then off to Massachusetts (premiere of a piece dedicated to Jack, debuting at the Newburyport Music Festival) and Maine where Peter’s home (to be sold) and “camp” on the water (to which we’ll return for parts of subsequent summers).
With gratitude and affection,
Linda
Peter:
July 4, 2023
Love
From the first days in Jamaica to today you have consumed my thoughts. Your face I see when I go to bed and when I wake up. Feeling the warmth of you when I hold you and kiss you. The random touch as I pass by, the joy of looking as you talk or focus on some topic or project. All are elements of the love I have for you, ways of savoring your presence, assuring me that what we have is real and strong.
When I say I love you it’s just a small way of telling you the feelings and emotions that I feel all day long everyday. I want to be nowhere else in the world other than by your side and in your life. That you love me so strongly is an amazement to me and something that I will cherish forever and value above all else. It sustains me and elates me every day. You are such an amazing person and I am so grateful that we are partners for the rest of our lives. You are healing and encouraging and so supportive that I cannot help but be a better, stronger me.
Linda…I will love you forever
Peter:
July 19, 2023
A letter to my wife on her birthday
Beshert Berakha. Whatever the term, it applies to you and me coming together. Being together at this point in our lives is so miraculous. And feeling so close to you and wanting and needing you so intensely gives me such joy every moment of the day. The more I learn, the more I love you and admire you and feel so great-full that you chose me. You care so much for other people and work to make their lives better, me included. I am a better person, more at peace, more comfortable with myself and looking forward to sharing a life together. I want to do the best I can for you because you deserve to be loved and cherished for the incredible person that you are.
Before our life together began I really did not have much to look forward to with my situation. I was comfortable but without purpose or a lot of joy. You have given me both and shaken up my complacent life. For that alone I will be eternally grateful. With you in my life I want for nothing.
Linda, my darling wonderful wife, I love you and will always love you to the end of my days. You deserve nothing less than all my love and devotion and you will have it until my last breath. You can count on that. In good times and in bad, in sickness and in health I will be here for you.
You chose me but don’t ever forget I chose you.
I love you my beautiful wife
Peter:
January 1, 2024
My darling, Linda,
I wanted to take the opportunity at the beginning of this new year to tell you how much you mean to me and how much you have changed my life for the better. If I look back at this time last year, I did not have much that would keep me going. This year my outlook is totally different because you are in my life. I have this overwhelming love for you which energizes me and inspires me to be better. Your energy, enthusiasm for life, desire to help people, and improve the lives of those around you is truly remarkable. You are such a wonderful person.
The love I feel for you has only grown the longer we have been together. I look forward to each day with you and savor the joy and love that fills me looking at you, talking to you and just being with you. The fact that I have a person like you in love with me, astound me. I treasure that love and want you to know that the love I feel for you is stronger than anything I have ever known. I feel like I am home when I am with you. The fact that we can be so open and honest with a rare gift. I feel safe and loved.
Those days in Jamaica are times that I will remember and treasure forever. I am still not quite sure how or where came the intense love that I felt for you. All I know is that it was there, and it was total. I would look at you and marvel that a person like you would fall in love with me, and I with you, so intensely. I knew that I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life and with nobody else, and no place else other than by your side.
I can promise you that I will love you forever that I will always look out for you and care for you and cherish you. Last year was truly remarkable, and I look forward to this year and many years beyond of having you in my life and loving you intensely for all the days of my life.
Happy new year my darling
Linda:
February 14, 2024
A note on our first Valentine's Day together...
Darling, oh my darling Peter,
In searching through our rather polite correspondence (before the lightbulbs went off in both our heads!) I see that it was February 10 that you invited me to Jamaica: “It occurred to me later that if you want to get away from the northern weather for a bit you are will to come (welcome!) to come down to Jamaica…Warm regards Peter”
Hardly an invitation to a torrid love affair, a rushed wedding, and a passionate, loving, considerate marriage. But that’s what followed…and the rest is history. Our history.
Oh Peter, you have given me so much, done so much for me (and my family), as we craft our too-short life together. Each day is a gift that we each consciously ensure we enjoy and appreciate (probably to a degree we never have before). Trips together are blissful and adventuresome. Conversations are sincere, caring and insightful.
We support each other in sickness and in health…and so far we’ve had a lot more of health and joy!
I love you to the end of our time together. You are the lover I have always longed for, ached for, with my body and my soul. You have also helped speed my healing from Jack’s death…how fortunate that you knew him over all the years.
Peter, I respect you (and not just in the morning!). You are the embodiment of consideration, sacrifice, focus, support and warmth. I love snuggling into your body during the day and all night. You are what I need…and I hope that I can always be what you need.
With love, with my whole heart, my whole soul,
Linda
Peter:
February 14, 2024
Note for Valentine’s Day
My darling, Linda,
You said you wanted a note for Valentines, but you deserve so much more. Life with you is so incredibly rich and rewarding. Being together has meant so much to me and given me back a life worth living. I thought I was doing OK before we decided that we belonged together but I see now, but that was not the case. I was alive, but I was not really living much of a life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
You are such a warm, loving individual, and I love being able to reciprocate those feelings with you. I have no greater joy in life than being with you, watching you, talking to you and lying together in the morning, and in the evening.
To me, you represent life, joy and a wholehearted engagement with people to an extent that I have never experienced before. And that applies specifically to me. You have made me whole, you have healed me, and you have made me a better person. You have shown me the way to express myself to those I love and open myself up to everyone.
I know I will love you forever. I have told you in the past that I couldn’t love you more than I did at the time, but I have found as we’ve gotten closer and closer that I do in fact, love you more each moment. I still find it remarkable that the feelings I have for you only grow with each passing day.
I love you, body and soul and I know I always will.
All my love, darling.
Linda:
May 5, 2024
Thoughts on our first anniversary
Darling Peter,
I can scarcely contain my excitement and joy to calm down (“Focus, Linda”) and write you just a smidgen of what I am feeling, thinking about our time together this past year.
Stellar. Perfect (or near perfect). Affectionate. Loving. Deep. Trustworthy. Exciting. Calming. Hopeful.
We clearly belong together. We get along so well, love each other’s spirits and bodies, take comfort in each other’s care and concern for the “we” as well as each of us as individuals. Sometimes I wish, as you know, that we had met as young ‘uns, with our passions, our lithe, flexible bodies, our boundless energy—but also recognize that the timing was probably not right back then. And so, we have, by some lunar, stellar, cosmic grace met again as aged folk, much wiser and more experienced. We have been given, literally, the chance of a lifetime. How did we get so lucky? How were we so smart to recognize that this was the right leap to take…together, and into an unknown future.
Peter, what seemed a precipitous decision on both our parts, the decision to marry quickly, has turned out to be the absolutely right decision, proven over and over, day after day. I swell and almost burst apart with love for you, a love that seems equal on your part.
Almost more remarkable is that we have helped heal each other—talking about past mistakes, past hurts, then figuring out together the “right thing” to do going forward. We support and remind each other to amend, change, tone down past unproductive ways, and to be better, really very fine people. Nothing, no past behavior nor belief nor anxiety is off the table—we are each other’s best counselor because we always want the best for the other (and have a stake in helping make those improvements happen!).
My dear love, my dearest lover, Peter, I will always adore and treasure you whether on this earth, or when we each pass into the ether. We know we will never have enough time with each other, having meaningfully met and fallen in love so late in life. But with each other’s counsel and support, we will continue to focus on the joy of each day together…mourn the day our bodies are permanently separated…but hope for an ever-loving spirit or even reincarnation to continue to intertwine our spirits and bodies forever…and ever…and ever.
With intense passion and joy,
Your Linda
Peter:
May 5, 2024
Twelve incredible months
My Darling Linda,
Can it really be 12 months? What a ride! To say that I have never experienced anything like this would be an understatement. Your love for me, you’re caring and your honesty. You have really buoyed me up and made my life so much richer. You have shown me what love can do when two people care deeply and passionately about each other. I just want to share every waking moment with you from now until the end. And I hope the end is a long long way away.
You are the most wonderful, generous and loving person I have ever known. I savor each and every day and every moment that we are together and look forward to the next. You represent home to me and always will. wherever I am, I will always look to you your smile your laugh, and your open arms as my home.
With all my heart I love you.
Peter